There’s nothing like a reminder of your mortality that gets you thinking about how much time you have left. After receiving the Career Achievement Award at AARP‘s Movies for Grownups Awards on Saturday, Adam Sandler began waxing poetic about the passage of time, letting fans know he’s more than aware of the Grim Reaper, but doesn’t plan to meet him anytime soon.
Sandler embraces his age with humor and heart
“A lot of people said to me, ‘Sandman, getting an AARP award means that you’re old now.’ To what I say, it’s not because of this award. I’ve got 10 other reasons that you know I am fucking old,” Sandler joked after accepting the honor from his friend and oftentimes co-star Henry Winkler.
“The other day, I had to swallow a Viagra to take a piss. And I had to call my doctor because the piss lasted for more than four hours,” and “the font on my phone is so big that my texts can be read by anyone with a window seat on a Delta flight,” Sandler quipped.
“At my high school reunion, I spent most of the night saying, ‘I’m so sorry to hear that;’” “None of my toenails are the same color anymore. If I take my socks off, it looks like a fucking pack of Crayola crayons” and “When I receive the Academy Awards screeners, even though I press play on 44 different movies, I can only stay awake for a combined total of eight minutes. For all of you who are getting all the accolades, I must say I love the first 30 seconds of all of your work,” Sandler had the crowd in stitches with this one.
Sandler knows how to threaten us with a good time
After thanking his wife, Jackie, for staying with him throughout the years, Sandler concluded his speech by saying, “I don’t know how much time I have left — 60, 70 years. 80 tops, maybe 90 if I start working out and taking creatine.” Regardless, he said, “I promise to everyone here tonight, I will make at least 50 more movies before I am dead — and at least 25 of them will be good.”
No one’s getting any younger
Good grief. My 45th birthday is eight days away. I might not be as old as Sandler, but I can certainly relate to some of the remarks he’s making about his body breaking down with age. We tell ourselves that growing old is a privilege, and it is, but it’s also a pain in the ass. The pharmacy tried to charge me $100 for a new heart medication last week, and now I’ve got to apply for a compassion program to help pay for the cost. No one warns you about this shit when you’re young. In a perfect world, there would be a junior high class called Credit Card Debt 101, or Why You Should Stretch Every Day.
Anyway. Sandler sounds determined to live every day to its fullest and keep making movies while he’s at it. Sandler’s quite the chameleon on the silver screen, so there’s a fair chance that half of those movies will be good. Some of them could even be classics. Here’s hoping Sandler has plenty of years left and remains as healthy as possible until he decides to retire or go out swinging.
