Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.
‘Don’t Hate the Player’
President Trump fired a slew of independent watchdogs, known as inspectors general, at a variety of federal agencies on Friday night. News outlets called it a purge.
“That only leaves — no one knows how many left. I have no idea,” Jon Stewart said on Monday’s “Daily Show.”
“The point is, we have 17 less inspectors general. Who knows how many generals will now go uninspected?” — JON STEWART
“For some reason, we have given presidents the power of a king, and then we say, ‘Oh, by the way, with that power, you’re not going to get all, like, kingly and [expletive] on us, right?’ To put that in constitutional terms, if I could: ‘Don’t hate the player, hate the founding fathers.’” — JON STEWART
Big, Beautiful Valves
Trump visited Los Angeles a few days ago to observe the damage from the wildfires. He promised Southern California “unlimited water” from the Pacific Northwest.
Jimmy Kimmel joked on Monday that Trump would issue an executive order “making the whole state a Six Flags Hurricane Harbor, and that should solve all our problems.”
“And it doesn’t stop. He keeps talking about these imaginary valves that we refuse to turn. What goes on in this brain of his? We’ve got giant valves, he’s got gold coins — it’s like Super Mario Bros. in there.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“President Trump and first lady Melania Trump on Friday traveled to California and toured wildfire damage by helicopter. Said Trump afterward, ‘It’s been years since we laughed together like that.’” — SETH MEYERS
“I know it’s been a tough time here for us Angelenos, right? I mean, last week, a lot of people lost their homes to the fire. This week, a lot of people lost their gardeners to ICE.” — BILL MAHER
“You know, and we’re not out of the woods yet with the fires, right? That came up again. Some of them came up so quickly, the mayor barely had time to book a trip.” — BILL MAHER
The Punchiest Punchlines (Dr. Phil Edition)
“T.V. host Dr. Phil joined border czar Tom Homan over the weekend for an ICE operation in Chicago. Homan was there to catch immigrants, and I guess Dr. Phil was there in case any of their daughters dressed too slutty.” — SETH MEYERS
“I guess Dr. Phil finally cashed someone outside. How about that?” — JON STEWART
The Bits Worth Watching
The cast of the Broadway show “Death Becomes Her” performed “For the Gaze” on “The Tonight Show.”
What We’re Excited About on Tuesday Night
Drew Barrymore will sit down with Stephen Colbert on “The Late Show.”
Also, Check This Out
Tom Green, who made a splash with surreal, provocative comedy a quarter-century ago, has a new stand-up special, a four-episode reality show and a documentary about his rise to fame premiering on Amazon Prime this week.
